What, after all, is this low bid, sofa cleaning job? It is when one pass is made with an incredibly powerful, truck mount, carpet steam extractor using too much suction, too high heat and too strong carpet cleaning chemicals. There is no prevacuuming and the job is done in less than 20 minutes. Stains, although faded are now set forever. Once the fabric has dried, usually the next day, there is inevitable shrinkage, most noticeable in the skirt surrounding the bottom. This shrinkage cannot be reversed. There is still loose dirt, pet dander and often “mudding” due to lack of prevacuuming. I have even seen water stains on the bottoms of the cushions and inside of the arms and back because the cushions were never even removed! Odors are not completely gone and can return when it gets warm and humid. Months later, the fabric can show signs of premature wear, i.e., piling or threads popping out of the fabric.

The proper way to clean a sofa, even a moderately priced one, is labor intensive. Here, a certified professional uses a portable cleaning machine designed specifically for delicate upholstery and drapery cleaning. The job takes a full morning (fans are used to dry in the afternoon). Every square inch of the sofa is first vacuumed using special vacuum heads and crevice tools designed not to snag the fabric. It is amazing how much better the end result is when a piece is first vacuumed prior to cleaning. If there are pets, the piece is lint rolled, which takes more time than the vacuuming but is essential. After vacuuming and lint rolling, the sofa is thoroughly cleaned with mild heat and gentle, non-toxic cleaning detergents. Dry cleaning can be used where natural fabrics have special concerns. Stains are expertly removed. Odors are addressed. The end result is that there is no shrinkage or damage, the piece looks new and its useful life has been extended.

Now please read the article: “Is your Contractor Insured.”

Bed bugs are horrible little creatures that love human blood. They will live in your mattress or a nest nearby.  They come out to feed between 2am and 5am while you sleep.   They will attack you from the mattress you are sleeping on or they will climb up the wall and across the ceiling and drop on you when the sense your body heat.  Once on you, they inject a numbing agent in your skin so you don’t feel when they proceed to embed themselves and have a meal. A bed bug can smell a human up to 100 feet away.

Bed bugs travel from home to home by hitching a ride on one’s clothing or on, believe it or not, vacuum cleaners.  Maid services travel from house to house. If you have a cleaning service, tell them not to bring their vacuum cleaner but to let them use yours. A number of my customers have this arrangement with their cleaning service.

If you are going to get your carpets cleaned professionally, the carpet cleaning company will need to use their commercial vacuum to clean the carpet before steam cleaning (If they don’t vacuum the carpet before cleaning it, get another carpet cleaning service). Insist they clean the outside of their machine and use a new filter bag. Insist their truck mount hoses are cleaned before they drag them into your home. Any reputable carpet cleaner should be doing this anyway.  Everything that comes into your home should be clean and inspected.

I go to extremes to avoid staying in hotels.  Many hotels have serious bed bug infestations due to the high traffic.  If I have to stay in a hotel, I check under the box spring and under the dresser drawers for any sign of bed bugs before I accept the room.  Then I sleep in the bathtub with one eye open.

I can only speak from personal experience and that of others in the field. A good vacuum for me is one that keeps going day after day, that does a great job, operates cleanly, is easily fixed and maintained, can vacuum under beds (dust mites) and is relatively inexpensive. An upright is for carpets and a canister is for floors, furniture and drapes. I recommend one own two vacuum cleaners–one canister and one upright. One can have both types of vacuum cleaners for less investment than one do-it-all modern wonder piece of junk and probably take up less storage space.

For carpet, I use a 40+ year old commercial Eurika Sanitaire vacuum cleaner, which I bought used and have rebuilt twice. This same vacuum is still available new for well under $300 for the top model and remains little changed. With a ball bearing motor, a high quality beater brush, a balanced, easy and cheap to replace fan blade and nearly all metal construction, this baby is built to last. The new ones are about 18 lbs., which is a little heavy but, I think, more maneuverable than a Dyson. Weight is good because it helps the vacuum cleaner clean better. More weight also is good because, if you are a woman, you will get arms like Michelle.

For floors, any cheap canister with a decent floor brush will do. I use a ten year old Miele, Flamenco II, which was the cheapest Miele in its day. It has good suction, is very maneuverable, isn’t too loud and is built to last. It always lands conveniently on its wheels and comes with a nearly indestructible hose. Mieles are expensive to buy and expensive to fix. I am lucky because I can fix my own. If I had to buy another floor vacuum at this time, I like the Miele S163 stick type vacuum and the only Miele for under $300. It also has attachments for upholstery and curtains but I use other equipment for that so it isn’t necessary for me. For home use, a basic, non Miele, canister vacuum with good suction and upholstery and curtain attachments is fine and can be had for under $200.

I am not a big fan of expensive Hepa filter vacuum cleaners. I think they require the electric motor to work unnecessarily hard to push the air through the overly fine filter. What is the point of a Hepa filter if the vacuum isn’t sucking up all the dirt from the carpet anyway? Also, the ambient air is actually dirtier than the air being filtered and exhausted by the Hepa vacuum cleaner so, again, what is the point. Do we really need to get to that .1 micron or is .3 micron good enough? More important, I think, to get a good allergen filter bag. Please do not go with a bagless machine. They are dirty, filthy, nasty.

The window treatments I clean can cost thousands of dollars.  I am not going to be able to replace expensive damaged draperies unless I have the right kind of insurance.

The scary thing is that most contractors’ liability insurance covers only damage to items incidental to the actual work–not the items actually being worked on.  This might be fine for a contractor building an addition, but it isn’t good enough for me.  I need insurance, which is going to cover me for what I am working on, not just incidental damage.  

How can you know if the contractor is properly insured?  Just because a referral company like Service Magic referred a contractor, it doesn’t necessarily mean the contractor’s insurance is current. 

Always ask the contractor to provide you with a “Certificate of Liability Insurance” naming you as the “Certificate Holder” along with the estimate.  Look for the “Voluntary Property Damage Endorsement” for an amount at least the value of your items.  It is only a phone call for the contractor.  If the contractor cannot provide this, run. 

Contractors’ Insurance is not cheap.  And it is not easy to get.  Any reputable insurance carrier is going to require full licensing, current industry recognized certifications, and a good record.

I wish all my potential customers asked about insurance.  After all, it makes me look good.

Well, we often can fix a wobbling chair.  A wobbling chair is, by the way, an accident waiting to happen.  What seems to be the most typical cause is that the chair’s apron, the horizontal side piece supporting the seat, has loosened from the rear style or leg.  This is usually the result of leaning back on the chair’s hind legs.  This is a guy thing.

If it hasn’t been ignored for too long, it’s an easy fix.  If one has waited too long, any other lose joints will have to be addressed.  The trick is doing a professional job.  You will need a screw driver to remove the seat, a very thin pry bar or two, pipe clamps long enough to clamp the legs, wood glue and a flat table, a wet sponge with a pail of water at the ready to clean up any excess glue, and patience.

First, make sure the work area is clean.  Remove the seat and backrest if there is one.  We either clean these or reupholster them.  Carefully pry the loosened apron from the leg being careful not to mar the wood finish and being careful not to weaken the spindles or other parts of the chair.  Apply wood glue to the exposed, wood. apron tenon and slide the apron back into the mortise of the leg or style.  Clamp the legs on the right and left side of the chair next to the aprons using pipe clamps with rubber shoes to protect the wood finish.  Use the wet sponge to wipe off excess glue.  Place chair upright on the flat surface to assure the legs are even.

Let it stand over night, remove the clamps, reattach the seat the next morning, and you’re done.

I make cutting boards and use cutting boards.  I know cutting boards.

To clean an end-grain, butcher block, cutting board, first hand wash both sides with dish detergent and water in the sink.  Do NOT soak it.  Do NOT put in dish washer.

After rinsing, wipe excess water off both sides with a towel and let it air dry standing vertically.

To disinfect, wipe a mixture of 1:1 white vinegar and water on both sides and wipe off with a towel and let air dry vertically.  Do NOT use bleach.

Next, wipe both sides down with a generous helping of mineral oil.  Do NOT use any other type of cooking oil because they become rancid.  Stand your cutting board on its side while the mineral oil soaks in.

If you have any thin cracks, gaps or splits in your cutting board, melt paraffin wax into the mineral oil and wipe it into the cracks as best you can—just like pushing axle grease into wheel bearings.  Do NOT fill these gaps with epoxy or wood filler.

If the gaps are too big, gently crack open the cutting board with a thin lever and re glue with food grade, wood glue using multiple clamps.  Wipe excess glue with a damp sponge.  If it didn’t go together perfectly and leaves a tiny ledge, you can fix this with a belt sander moving from coarse to fine grit.

If your board has warped, this is usually due to sitting on water. The water has soaked into the cutting board and expanded that side causing the warpage.  Place the cutting board with the concave side face down on a folded, wet towel with the convex side face up (under the sun if possible).  Keep an eye on it and remove immediately when it becomes straight.

You should invest in two cutting boards—one for fish, meat and poultry and one for breads, fruits and vegetables.  Never mix them.

When using the cutting board, place it on a dry towel so it won’t move.  This is what your mother did and she was always right, wasn’t she.

Professional chefs often prefer carbon steel knives, which are capable of a slightly sharper edge than today’s high-end stainless steel knives.  A quality, used, carbon steel, chefs’ knife in good condition can be quite expensive.  Most home chefs today own stainless steel knives.

If you find your knife does not stay sharp, chances are the fault lies in your cutting board.  The best cutting boards are made of end-grain, rock maple.  Rock maple, also known as sugar maple, is one of the densest woods available.  The end grain allows the blade to pass between the strands of wood on a molecular level rather than across the grain, which keeps the knife edge sharp.

So why would an end-grain, cutting board cause a knife to go dull?

The key lies in the wood filler used in mass produced cutting boards.  The manufacturers simply do not have the time to painstakingly match each block of maple before gluing and clamping.  The inevitable gaps are sealed with wood filler.  The problem is that wood filler dries to a stone hard consistency.  It’s these tiny bits of wood filler here and there on the face of the mass produced cutting board, which prematurely dull your knife.

If you’re serious about your kitchen, the best way to find a real good cutting board is to inherit one, make your own, or have a professional make one to your specifications.  It should be just smaller than your kitchen sink so you can wash it.  Inch and one quarter thickness is about right.  You don’t want it to be too heavy.  And no rubber legs or side handle gimmicks.

A custom made, rock maple, end-grain cutting board, regularly treated with mineral oil, will keep your knives sharp and make your life in the kitchen a lot more enjoyable.  And to the eyes of the cutting board connoisseur, it will show that you know what you’re doing.

Typically, the homeowner doesn’t notice the subtle change since they live with their lamp every day. Or the homeowner may even replace the bulb with a brighter bulb unaware that the dirty lampshade is the culprit.  Hey, they may even think they have cataracts. 

The internet is rife with how-to sites suggesting a lampshade be cleaned with some combination of detergent and water.  BAD IDEA!  If the lampshade has a steel frame, rust spots can show through within of few days.  How many well-intentioned souls whose lampshade looked great after cleaning this way immediately recommended it on the internet only to be visited with rust spots later on.

High end, custom lampshades are usually made with natural fiber materials such as silk, WHICH MUST BE DRY CLEANED in order to prevent color loss, dye bleeding, glue delamination and shrinkage.  And even slight shrinkage of the fine lampshade material can lead to ripping along the frame especially if the frame has rust. Furthermore, water can permanently set many types of stains.

So don’t take a chance on an expensive lampshade, which may be irreplaceable.  Have your beloved lampshades professionally dry cleaned and rest easy.